What People Really Need

We spend a lot of time trying to solve the wrong problems. In product, in business, in life.

We react to behavior. What people say. How they act. What they seem to want. But behind every behavior is a need—and if you skip that part, you build the wrong thing.

Reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg changed how I see the world. I picked it up expecting better communication. What I got was a framework that shifted how I relate to people, how I listen to customers, and how I decide what problems are actually worth solving.

Every Emotion Points to a Need

Here's the core insight: every action is an attempt to meet a need. Emotions are not data points. They are signals that something matters. When a need is met, the signal disappears. When it isn't, emotion shows up to get your attention.

The mistake we tend to make in business is treating behavior as the truth. We build features based on surface-level feedback. We respond to user frustration without understanding what's actually missing. We chase symptoms.

Great strategy doesn't start with the ask.
It starts with the need underneath it.

How Maslow Meets Product Thinking

Needs aren't random. They follow a hierarchy. This is where Maslow's framework becomes useful—not as theory, but as a lens.

• At the bottom: safety and stability. Can I trust this? Does it work when I need it? Is it secure?
• In the middle: belonging and self-worth. Does this make me feel included, respected, understood?
• At the top: self-actualization. Does this help me grow, create, lead, or contribute?

Every product, service, or system serves one or more of these needs.

The risk is trying to speak to the wrong level—building for growth when your user is still trying to feel safe, or chasing innovation when the core trust hasn't been earned.

I've made that mistake. I've prioritized elegance over clarity. I've tried to inspire when users just wanted to feel in control.

Needs are the foundation.
Everything else is execution.

Relationships Are No Different

The same principle changed how I approach conflict and connection in my own life.

Before reading this book, I responded to what people said. I argued logic. I corrected tone. I treated conversations like transactions.

Now I try to ask a different question:
What's the need behind this reaction?
What are they trying to protect?
What are they not getting?

And that applies to me, too. I've started to understand that most of my emotional reactions come from earlier experiences. When a need wasn't met in the past, the body remembers. And that memory shapes how we interpret situations in the present.

This is why people can experience the same moment in completely different ways. One person might feel slighted. The other confused. Because their definitions of anger, sadness, or disappointment come from different lived experience.

But while emotions vary, needs don't.
They're universal. We all want safety, belonging, respect, autonomy, clarity.

That's where connection happens.
Not at the emotional level, but at the human one.

How I Apply It to Work

This shift in thinking changed how I build—and it blends a bit with First Principles Thinking.

• When I hear a customer complaint, I don't ask "How do we fix this?" I ask "What need isn't being met?"
• When a team member is stuck, I don't jump to tactics. I ask what they're trying to resolve.
• When I'm unsure about a roadmap, I look at the base layer—what does the user actually need, and where are we overcomplicating?

This doesn't mean we ignore behavior.
It means we look past it.

Final Thought

Most teams fail because they solve surface-level problems.
Most relationships struggle because people argue about emotions instead of talking about needs.
Most strategies drift because no one asked the deeper question.

What is this person trying to protect?
What are they not getting?
What is the real need?

Whether you're building software, leading people, or just trying to communicate better—start there.

Everything else is noise.